Well it is time for another wonderful landmark in Chris' life. Nothing to fancy, but those of you who have kids or even know others who have kids know what I am talking about by this title. You see this story is more of a pivotal moment in my life. It really defined me as a person in today's modern society. It help me build character and creativity that no parent could ever show there young ones. But I also want to take this chance to give my older brother, Robert, the proper respect he deserves. For I am sure it was him that originally came up with this idea. Although it was me that probably carried out the deed. Honestly I am not completely sure who instigated this or for that fact even orchestrated this event. So I am really telling a story about how two isn't always better than one.
Okay Johnny Jumper. here it is. You see I have two brothers. Rob who is about 18 months older than me and Randall who is about 3 yrs younger than me. Poor kid. Well as you can already tell this is going down hill for Randall. It really started when I was younger. I was still drinking from the bottle and so was our big boy Rob. Well when Rob finished his bottle he would kindly refill his by taking mine from me. Me not knowing better would just let him do it. Yeah I could of cried and fussed, but apparently I was like my Jack, a happy little baby. Thus building my unbreakable bond with my older brother. I share my bottles with him, and he wouldn't beat me up. Well then a few years later came our little brother Randall. Poor little fellow. Well Randall was older, but not old enough to walk around the house. He pretty much had to sit around and watch me and Rob destroy everything in sight. To include his innocent little mind. Well I honestly don't recall who started this, but one rainy day our cute innocent fragile minded little brother Randall was playing in his Johnny Jumper. I vaguely remember the smile on his face that would belt out his cute little baby laugh every time he jumped up and down in his Johnny Jumper. Then my mom left the room, where Rob and I were left unsupervised. Silly little mother goose, just what were you thinking. Upon seizing the moment of joy that came across little Randall's face, Rob and I approached him with the harm and intent of hurting this new little intruder in our life. So as we both noticed how well he like to bounce around in his stupid little Johnny Jumper toy. Simultaneously, we both grabbed a leg and took off running around the corner, pulling until there was no more give in his little Johnny Jumper. To let go and watch him take off like a rocket. Flying from around the corner where we had taken, flying straight into the wall and hitting it head first with G force's only he could describe. Rob and I looked at each other in laughter, well more of a devilish little laugh than anything. With hopes that would send this little kid packing back to where he came from. But no, this guy just laughed harder than he did when he was on his own. Reverse pychiology, this little guy is beating us. So I decided to try it again. Grabbing his legs and running faster and pulling that much more just to let go and watch him fly again. Fly baby FLY! Now this surely had to be the finishing move on this guy. As I ran out of cover guess who was there to see what kind of mischief us boys were in too. Mom! As she asked, just what are you two thinking. Leave him alone. Uh-oh, we did it this time. After a quick swat on the ass we had realized that Randall loved being launched into things. For this guy was laughing the whole time.
Why this story. Well now that I have Jack to keep Aiden entertained. I worry, and for Jack's sake I should. Aiden has already proven to us that he isn't the cute sweet little angel everyone thinks he is. Well actually he is. I just worry that when Jack gets older and we put him in the big kid swing Aiden is going to want to push him, and push him is exactly what he is going to do! I love you guys and take it easy.
Remember I don't recall exactly how this story goes. Hell it could of been Rob doing the whole thing. I just hope you all got a good little chuckle out of it. Sorry if I took someone else's fame.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Friday, May 9, 2008
War! What is it good for?
Now, I am not talking about WWI, WWII, the Korean War, the Vietnam conflict, or the current Global War on terrorism. I'm not talking about the song either. What I am talking about is a parents most feared war to find their children participating in. BB Gun wars. Now I already now what you guys are thinking. Oh god, you'll shoot your eye out.
The desire to own a BB gun started from my favorite movie. A Christmas Story. Yeah I know. If you remember it was pretty much about Ralphy fantasizing about getting a double pump single action Red Ryder BB gun from Santa Claus. At one point in the movie he dreamt about is family was going to get over ran by a bunch of henchmen (my favorite scene) and he comes out of nowhere dressed as a cowboy to save his family with his Red Ryder BB gun. Well I have to blame this movie for building my desire to get a BB gun. But as you all know or can imagine, I was quit the trouble maker growing up. So the thought of me getting a BB gun was definitely out of the question. Since I was the second child what I got was pretty much matched up with what my older brother got two years before me. So I just couldn't wait to turn 13, I knew I was going to get a BB gun. Well I turned 13 and against my parents will, they gave in and got me a BB gun. I was so excited, that now I get to pretend to be like Ralphy. So I strategically placed empty soda cans throughout the backyard. I had a pre-designated firing platform approved by my parents to shoot from. I mean what parent in their right mind would give a BB gun to a 13 and let them run around with it. So I had somewhat of an adult supervision. My mom was able to watch what I was doing from the kitchen.
So as I lived out my fantasy of playing Ralphy over the years. I decided it was time to move on to much harder targets. Well what other challenges can I come up with. Hahahaha. So after I turned 15 or so, my parents decided to leave me and my older brother home alone while the rest of the family went on a road trip. Well no sooner did they leave did my neighbor Tim show up. Well about the same time I had taken my BB gun out against my parents knowing, right after my mom told me that I had to wait until they came back to shoot it. So I figured that if they are gone how will they know if I am shooting my BB gun. Well as I was doing some target practice Tim and I came up with this great idea to have a BB gun war. So we got on opposite sides of the yard and started taking shots at each other. So Tim hit me a couple of times in my arms, no big deal it didn't hurt. Besides they were some really weak BB gun that weren't suppose to penetrate a tin can. Yeah right. So as Tim was shooting at me, I was waiting for the perfect shot. One shot. One kill. So Tim pops up from behind the trailer to see where I had moved to, but I didn't move. In fact I had sighted him in and pulled the trigger. Hitting him right below the eye breaking the skin. Tim dropped his gun and I started to shoot him multiple times until he would yell I quit. Well in the time it took me to hit him 5 or 6 times guess who shows up. Yeah my mom. I guess she forgot her purse in her room.
We probably wouldn't of gotten caught if Tim wasn't Yelling obscenities at me. For it drew my mother's attention to the backyard. It didn't take a rocket scientist to put two and two together to figure out what we were doing. Yeah well after getting my butt whipped by my mom my dad and to get his. But this was one of the few times where I knew he wanted to beat me and he didn't. Instead he hurt me way worse than my mom did. He actually took my BB gun and smashed into a thousand little pieces. Man was I pissed. Deep down inside I knew I deserved it. So now that my wife knows about this story I highly doubt she will allow me to get my son a BB gun. It is okay I understand. So when my boys get older I will buy them each the much safer and probably a lot more fun paint ball guns. As long as they don't ain't my car a new color I think everything will be all right. I hope you all enjoyed another moment in Chris' childhood.
The desire to own a BB gun started from my favorite movie. A Christmas Story. Yeah I know. If you remember it was pretty much about Ralphy fantasizing about getting a double pump single action Red Ryder BB gun from Santa Claus. At one point in the movie he dreamt about is family was going to get over ran by a bunch of henchmen (my favorite scene) and he comes out of nowhere dressed as a cowboy to save his family with his Red Ryder BB gun. Well I have to blame this movie for building my desire to get a BB gun. But as you all know or can imagine, I was quit the trouble maker growing up. So the thought of me getting a BB gun was definitely out of the question. Since I was the second child what I got was pretty much matched up with what my older brother got two years before me. So I just couldn't wait to turn 13, I knew I was going to get a BB gun. Well I turned 13 and against my parents will, they gave in and got me a BB gun. I was so excited, that now I get to pretend to be like Ralphy. So I strategically placed empty soda cans throughout the backyard. I had a pre-designated firing platform approved by my parents to shoot from. I mean what parent in their right mind would give a BB gun to a 13 and let them run around with it. So I had somewhat of an adult supervision. My mom was able to watch what I was doing from the kitchen.
So as I lived out my fantasy of playing Ralphy over the years. I decided it was time to move on to much harder targets. Well what other challenges can I come up with. Hahahaha. So after I turned 15 or so, my parents decided to leave me and my older brother home alone while the rest of the family went on a road trip. Well no sooner did they leave did my neighbor Tim show up. Well about the same time I had taken my BB gun out against my parents knowing, right after my mom told me that I had to wait until they came back to shoot it. So I figured that if they are gone how will they know if I am shooting my BB gun. Well as I was doing some target practice Tim and I came up with this great idea to have a BB gun war. So we got on opposite sides of the yard and started taking shots at each other. So Tim hit me a couple of times in my arms, no big deal it didn't hurt. Besides they were some really weak BB gun that weren't suppose to penetrate a tin can. Yeah right. So as Tim was shooting at me, I was waiting for the perfect shot. One shot. One kill. So Tim pops up from behind the trailer to see where I had moved to, but I didn't move. In fact I had sighted him in and pulled the trigger. Hitting him right below the eye breaking the skin. Tim dropped his gun and I started to shoot him multiple times until he would yell I quit. Well in the time it took me to hit him 5 or 6 times guess who shows up. Yeah my mom. I guess she forgot her purse in her room.
We probably wouldn't of gotten caught if Tim wasn't Yelling obscenities at me. For it drew my mother's attention to the backyard. It didn't take a rocket scientist to put two and two together to figure out what we were doing. Yeah well after getting my butt whipped by my mom my dad and to get his. But this was one of the few times where I knew he wanted to beat me and he didn't. Instead he hurt me way worse than my mom did. He actually took my BB gun and smashed into a thousand little pieces. Man was I pissed. Deep down inside I knew I deserved it. So now that my wife knows about this story I highly doubt she will allow me to get my son a BB gun. It is okay I understand. So when my boys get older I will buy them each the much safer and probably a lot more fun paint ball guns. As long as they don't ain't my car a new color I think everything will be all right. I hope you all enjoyed another moment in Chris' childhood.
I Scream You Scream!
Okay you guest it. We All Scream for Ice Cream. So the other day while chatting with Jennifer she was telling me about a little trip they took to see some plantation homes in southern Alabama. I thought it was a good idea. Well sometime during the trip my son Aiden started to act up. So they took him to a nearby park to let him blow off some energy. Well when it was time to go, Aiden decided that he wasn't exactly ready to get into the car for an hour or so. So of course he threw a fit. Well with all of my wifes wisdom she decided to try and bribe a two year old (what was she thinking). So she made a deal with Aiden. If he were to behave, then she would take him out for ice cream. Well of course kids only hear what they want to hear. He heard Aiden you want to go get some Ice Cream! So of course for the remainder of the trip Aiden repeatedly cried out Mommy, I WANT ICE CREAM! over and over and over.......you get the picture or do I need to go on. Over and Over. So eventually they made it home and he got his well overdue hard earned bowl of Ice Cream.
Now hearing about my son's desire for Ice Cream reminded me of another moment in my childhood. As we all now kids will do anything for a trip to the ice cream parlor on a hot summer day. Well my trips came, but not exactly at the right moment. Now I understand it was designed to benefit me, but I really think my mom got the best out of the whole or deal. You see when I was younger I lived in Folsom, CA (the Sacramento area) and my dentist office was in Rancho Cardova. Well right around the corner from the dentist office was a 31 Flavors Baskin Robbins (aka a kids dream come true). So when I was even younger I had a different dentist, but after biting him every time he tried to probe around in my mouth, he decline his service to the family (I think that is how the story goes). So we or should I say "I" got a new dentist. I believe his name was Dr. Bueller (or very close to it) Now, my mom to would bribe me with the ice cream, and of course my sweet tooth always got the best of me. She always would tell me before going to the dentist chair of hell, that if I behaved and didn't bite the dentist, she would take me out for ice cream afterwards. So of course I would always be on my best behavior. For me this is was that quality time I would get to spend with my mom without the interference of my 4 other siblings. I guess it is true I was a mommas boy (hey I love my mom). So as I sat there in the chair allowing the dentist to poke my gums with a dull needle and shoot litacain (I think that is what it is called) into my mouth, then drill aimlessly on my teeth. Well for those of you who have avoided the dentist for a while (Jennifer) or are cavity free, litacain numbs the mouth so you won't feel the pain the dentist is inflicting. Well as most of us know it is only temporarily, it will last about an hour or so. Well after an eternity of being strapped into this contraption of a chair the dentist would release back to my mother. Which I was always glad to see. Although I was mad at her for making me go through this pain, I was always happy to see her. Well on the way home she would take me to the ice cream parlor. As I said earlier every kid will do anything for ice cream on a hot summer day. Well not only would my mother take me to the ice cream parlor she would also allow me to get two scoops of whatever I wanted. So of course the first scoop was always bubble gum, and the second chocolate. Well not realizing that my face was still numb and using my eyes to build my hunger for ice cream I would get to eat about four bites of chocolate and wear the other ten bites on my cheeks. The whole time my mother is laughing at me. After the first scoop is gone she helps me clean up my face, before I continue on to the next scoop. Now the bubble gum. Well four gumballs in my mouth and ten on the floor. For my mother it was equivalent to a kid feeding a dog a spoonful of peanut butter. Know that is funny.
After awhile I caught on to my mom's scheme with the ice cream after the visit to the dentist. But as I said before kids will do anything for a scoop of ice cream. I hope you enjoyed another true short story about me. You know when your kids do something odd, funny, or just straight dreadful. Don't just get caught up in the moment. Look back at some of the stuff you did as a child and try to compare it to what he or she has done. As we all know I never was a poster child for the definition of perfect, but however I believe I was a strong influence to the creator's of Dennis the Menace (okay, I know is like 30 years older but.......). I really hope for Jennifer's sake Aiden mellow's out before he turns more into his father. Although that wouldn't be a bad thing. You know there is this relatively steep hill in front of the house. Maybe I should build him a soap box car when I come home? I think Aiden says it best UH-OH!
Now hearing about my son's desire for Ice Cream reminded me of another moment in my childhood. As we all now kids will do anything for a trip to the ice cream parlor on a hot summer day. Well my trips came, but not exactly at the right moment. Now I understand it was designed to benefit me, but I really think my mom got the best out of the whole or deal. You see when I was younger I lived in Folsom, CA (the Sacramento area) and my dentist office was in Rancho Cardova. Well right around the corner from the dentist office was a 31 Flavors Baskin Robbins (aka a kids dream come true). So when I was even younger I had a different dentist, but after biting him every time he tried to probe around in my mouth, he decline his service to the family (I think that is how the story goes). So we or should I say "I" got a new dentist. I believe his name was Dr. Bueller (or very close to it) Now, my mom to would bribe me with the ice cream, and of course my sweet tooth always got the best of me. She always would tell me before going to the dentist chair of hell, that if I behaved and didn't bite the dentist, she would take me out for ice cream afterwards. So of course I would always be on my best behavior. For me this is was that quality time I would get to spend with my mom without the interference of my 4 other siblings. I guess it is true I was a mommas boy (hey I love my mom). So as I sat there in the chair allowing the dentist to poke my gums with a dull needle and shoot litacain (I think that is what it is called) into my mouth, then drill aimlessly on my teeth. Well for those of you who have avoided the dentist for a while (Jennifer) or are cavity free, litacain numbs the mouth so you won't feel the pain the dentist is inflicting. Well as most of us know it is only temporarily, it will last about an hour or so. Well after an eternity of being strapped into this contraption of a chair the dentist would release back to my mother. Which I was always glad to see. Although I was mad at her for making me go through this pain, I was always happy to see her. Well on the way home she would take me to the ice cream parlor. As I said earlier every kid will do anything for ice cream on a hot summer day. Well not only would my mother take me to the ice cream parlor she would also allow me to get two scoops of whatever I wanted. So of course the first scoop was always bubble gum, and the second chocolate. Well not realizing that my face was still numb and using my eyes to build my hunger for ice cream I would get to eat about four bites of chocolate and wear the other ten bites on my cheeks. The whole time my mother is laughing at me. After the first scoop is gone she helps me clean up my face, before I continue on to the next scoop. Now the bubble gum. Well four gumballs in my mouth and ten on the floor. For my mother it was equivalent to a kid feeding a dog a spoonful of peanut butter. Know that is funny.
After awhile I caught on to my mom's scheme with the ice cream after the visit to the dentist. But as I said before kids will do anything for a scoop of ice cream. I hope you enjoyed another true short story about me. You know when your kids do something odd, funny, or just straight dreadful. Don't just get caught up in the moment. Look back at some of the stuff you did as a child and try to compare it to what he or she has done. As we all know I never was a poster child for the definition of perfect, but however I believe I was a strong influence to the creator's of Dennis the Menace (okay, I know is like 30 years older but.......). I really hope for Jennifer's sake Aiden mellow's out before he turns more into his father. Although that wouldn't be a bad thing. You know there is this relatively steep hill in front of the house. Maybe I should build him a soap box car when I come home? I think Aiden says it best UH-OH!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
